


same seam-grey eyes

by dumbassbitch



Category: Hunger Games - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbassbitch/pseuds/dumbassbitch
Summary: Katniss thought she could do it. Live on her own, all alone, after everything she went through. Turns out she can‘t. However, Haymitch is still around.
Relationships: Haymitch Abernathy/Katniss Everdeen
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	same seam-grey eyes

Peeta hasn‘t come back yet.

Deep down both Katniss and Haymitch know that it will probably take a little longer for the doctors to put the boy with the bread back together. Chances are, waiting for Peeta to return is the only reason they‘re still there. 

Haymitch doesn‘t visit Katniss anymore since she told him to leave her alone. He promised Effie to take care of her, but the girl explicitly said to his face that she didn‘t want to be taken care of, that she wanted him to back off. That was the day he started drinking again and, honestly, the dark haired girl often catches herself daydreaming about doing the same. 

Just numbing herself until she can‘t hear their screams anymore. Pouring it all down her throat to temporarily forget the fact that Prim is dead, the innocent little girl all of this was about ripped into a million pieces. 

She is merely a shadow of everything she’s ever been: a hunter, a friend, the girl on fire, a murderer, a lover, a rebel, a sister. Now there‘s nothing left. Except her drunk neighbor who‘s been through the same and would be there for her if she hadn‘t pushed him out.  
Katniss misses him badly, although she would never admit it. She misses being comforted by him, as he was the only person who could even manage to calm her because he understood. She misses his jokes, although they‘ve always been more bitter than actually funny. Damn it, she even misses being called sweetheart. 

But if she came to him for comfort, she would have to apologize. He would probably mock her for acting so childish, but the worst thing that could happen is him not forgiving her. They were supposed to be there for each other, and Katniss didn‘t let him come close.  
She doesn‘t remember all of the things she said in their last fight before he left, but she remembers screaming at him. Screaming at the man who wanted to be there for her, the man who had stopped drinking for her. 

So if he told her that it‘s too late, Katniss couldn‘t blame him.

She‘s getting a headache, so she stops thinking about it. Maybe it‘s time to go to bed. She never looks at the clock to see what time it is, but it‘s already pitch black outside, so it must be pretty late already. With a sigh, Katniss goes upstairs to get rid of her clothes and slip into bed. She can‘t help but imagine Peeta laying next to her, wrapping his arms around her and whispering in her ear that everything‘s going to be fine, that they‘ll figure everything out. 

No, there‘s no way Katniss could sleep. 

She hasn‘t had much sleep since they came home, actually. Every night is a fight, and Katniss loses that fight most of the time. She just stares at the ceiling in the dark, waiting for the dead ones‘ echoes to fade. This night isn‘t any different. 

Suddenly, she feels Peetas hands around her throat, squeazing it. 

Katniss rubs her throat, again and again, reminding herself that he isn‘t there. Tears form in her eyes, as she starts putting her own hands around her throat. Why not just end all of it? What‘s left that‘s worth living for? She can hear herself whimpering, but eventually her own grip softens, she notices how shaky her hands are - her whole body, actually. 

That is when she knows she can‘t do it anymore. Live alone in this big empty house. She thought she could, but obviously she can‘t. So she puts on her clothes with still trembling fingers and slips into her shoes. Her feet drag her down the stairs, through the living room to the door. She knows what to do. 

•••

But standing in front of his door, Katniss suddenly isn‘t so sure about it anymore. She knows she‘s a wreck. She‘s weaker than ever. But she needs him. Katniss needs the man with the messy blonde hair and vodka-swollen lips. So she knocks. Once, twice.

Nothing. She takes a step back, ready to go back home, when she hears a muffled voice coming from inside.

„It‘s open.“

When she opens the door, the smell of alcohol and sweaty clothes is overwhelming. But so familiar. And then she looks at Haymitch, sitting there at the table, a half full glass of some yellow substance in his hand. For a good twenty seconds they just stare at each other.

It seems like they realize just how broken they are.

„Goddamnit, sweetheart“, he finally says. Drunk as he his, Haymitch continues with a growling voice. „You look like shit.“

Katniss bites her lip, shrugging. She just stands there, lets him look at her. Maybe it‘s better not to say something.

He narrows his eyes. „Hell, do you even eat anything anymore? You look like a thirteen year old, Katniss.“

He knows it hurts. Or maybe he doens‘t. Katniss whispers with a hollow voice, „Of course I eat.“ 

She can‘t stand looking into his eyes anymore because she feels like even when he‘s drunk Haymitch can read her mind, see how vulnerable she is. Katniss looks at the glass in his hand instead. „So you‘re drinking“, she points out the obvious. 

„Well observed“ He nods. His voice is full of sarcasm and she can feel his temper rise. „Did you come here to tell me to quit drinking?“

No. No she didn‘t. He knows exactly why she came, but he wants Katniss to say it. He had probably known from the beginning that she couldn‘t take it, but he wanted her to realize it herself. Realize that she’s weak and that it‘s okay. He stares at her, lowering his drink. „Look me in the eyes“, Haymitch says with a calm voice. 

The starved girl does as he says. 

„I thought...“, she begins. Her throat tightens, as she continues. „I thought I could do it on my own. Is that what you want to hear?“ Her pride was stronger than her longing for his embrace. Haymitch raises an eyebrow. 

All of a sudden, her ex mentor puts his glass down with a clink that makes the girl in front of him flinch and gets up. He groans and approaches her with a tired look in his eyes.

„I‘m not mad at you, sweetheart.“ The hurt in his voice is real, and it makes her heart break, „If that‘s why you‘re here, to say sorry? I swear I‘m not mad at you, I understand why you did it.“

Katniss takes a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. „You know I‘m here because I... because I couldn’t... take it“ Her voice breaks, „You know it, Haymitch. You know you were right when you told me that being alone after everything that‘s happened, would drive me crazy some day.“

Sobbing now, she spits it all out. 

„I can hear their voices, you know? Their screams. Their begs. I see their shadows in the forest and I feel Peeta‘s hands around my throat at night. Whenever I see that fucking cat, it makes me think of how I couldn’t save her...“ 

He‘s there before she collapses, wrapping his strong arms around the girl who‘s all skin and bones. Katniss holds onto him, crying. He pulls her lithe body closer, picking her up from the ground and whispers into her ear, „I know, I know. That‘s why I drink, Katniss, because they would haunt me too.“

„Haymitch, I‘m sorry. I should have listened to you.“

He pats her head, „I should have been stronger. I keep forgetting that you may be physically eighteen but mentally you‘re still somewhere between sixteen and seventeen. They took your youth from you, Katniss. None of this is your fault.“

The shivering girl‘s sobbing slowly fades and out of exhaustion, she falls asleep in his arms. Haymitch wipes her tears away and eventually carries her upstairs to his bedroom, where he wraps her into a thick blanket. He looks at her. Biting his lip, he caresses her cheek as she sleeps. 

And far away from the capitol‘s cameras, in the dark, where no one can see him - Haymitch Abernathy starts to cry.


End file.
